Does Perfectionism Hold You Back?

Hello, Beautiful You. My name is Becca Starr, and I'm the Founder of the Bitmor Method.

The Bitmor Method helps you create extraordinary situations even when you have no idea what you want or what to do.

Welcome to the Beautiful You podcast. Today we are talking about overcoming perfectionism. If you are a perfectionist or have some tendencies, this will be very useful to you. I'll give you some methods to finally stop letting perfectionism steal any more of your time.

My name, again, is Becca Starr, and I'm a speaker and a coach for women. I'm your host of the Beautiful You podcast, and I'm also the Founder of The Bitmor Method, which you can find out more about on the episode webpage.

To give you a quick summary of what The Bitmor Method is, it's a process that harnesses the power of micro-actions while maintaining a proper feeling state.

What that means in the simplest of terms is: You feel amazing, and you take very small actions. It begins to transform your life. Through the method we identify those feelings and those small actions.

As you do this you begin to attract people, situations, and ideas that help you live an extraordinary life quicker and easier than you ever thought possible.

We have a five-day challenge starting Monday if you'd like to test it out. It's a free challenge you can register for at beccastarr.com/p/free-challenge.

Because I work with woman and I personally have experience with this, I thought it would be really great to give you some tools today to help you overcome perfectionism.

Is this something that you deal with in your life? If it is, you are not going to want to miss these tips, so grab a pen and paper, post-it notes, your label maker - whatever helps you.

Trust me, I know. We're going to get started. 

 

Be Courageous As You Let Perfectionism Go

As with all of my coaching techniques, what I suggest today will be very simple. If you're ready to finally let this "frenemy" go, you only have to be willing to use this process. That's it.

Knowledge might be power, but you could read all of the self-help books in the world, if you don't actually use those methods in your life, knowledge won't help you at all. It's not enough on its own to create change, which is why I ask you to be courageous and willing.

Sometimes very small steps can feel big, so remember just stay willing to take the next small step. That's all you ever have to do.

My promise for you today is to give you exactly what you need to overcome perfectionism, and I'll even share a helpful, awesome bonus at the end of this episode.

What does perfectionism look like, and how does it affect us over time? Perfectionism not only steals moments from our life, it steals quality moments from our life. It steals quality time from our life.

It takes joy from us. We become rigid. It affects the people around us, our relationships. When we're wrapped up in the perfectionism, we're really cutting our self off from human connection. Does that make sense?

We become distracted. It makes it nearly impossible to feel inner peace and true happiness.

 

Your Inner Peace Matters More

Perfectionism is not an asset no matter how you think it might benefit you. As a recovered perfectionist I will say I have loved it at times. It can be awesome to see some of the results perfectionism has when it goes right.

But ultimately it's a liability. It's not very pretty, and I don't know about you, but I'm not okay with that. We are beautiful creatures, and anything that hides that fact needs to be shed.

We need to overcome things like this. They take away from how amazing we truly are. When you are a perfectionist, nothing is ever going to be good enough. We can become obsessive and prone to compulsive behaviors.

A very common problem with perfectionism is procrastination. I hear this all the time. I've personally experienced it. It literally has the power to steal your dreams and stop you from creating. It's important to overcome because it takes beauty and quality from us.

So how do we change that? To begin, let's create some awareness around what perfectionism really means and what it means to you and in your life.

 

Take Inventory of Your Perfectionism

One of the first steps in overcoming perfectionism is to become aware that you have it. Look at the effects. Step back and look at the whole ripple effect that it has on your life.

Does it push people away? Do you avoid following your heart or completing goals that are important to you? Do you have a fear of what could or might happen and let that stop you?

The unfamiliar is scary to many people already, but this is something I've noticed especially with perfectionists.

Are you depriving yourself of love or joy or time? Become aware of how it affects you in all areas. This process of creating this awareness and writing everything down, it might take some time, and it also doesn't have to be done at once.

You can sit down periodically and just continue to write. Put that pen to paper. Writing these thoughts down is the most helpful exercise to finally begin to let go of it.

 

Then Think Of One Small Goal

Now I want you to consider once you've created some awareness, think of one small goal that would make you feel really good. Just one. Rather than thinking of all the things that could go wrong or might happen or fearing that it wouldn't be enough, write down just that one small, meaningful goal.

Don't think of all the steps or anything beyond writing that goal down. Keep it very simple. Don't think of anything else besides something that means something to you. 

What is the very next step to do?

 

Then Think Of One Small Action Step

What is one very simple thing that you can do today that would positively contribute to achieving that goal? It should be a small action and it should be simple. Only one small action.

What we will be doing in creating this one meaningful goal in taking small actions, keeping this all very simple, is one small action a day. 

I'll give you an example. Let's say if you have some area of your home, it's disorganized and needs to be decluttered. Even for perfectionists, this can be very common. It could be a closet or a wardrobe or a cupboard.

It doesn't feel good, and there's a difference between being perfect and having order in your home. Sometimes as perfectionists we avoid doing things. It's a very all or nothing, black or white problem. Our perspective is affected in that way.

So instead of knowing what you're going to do with everything, let's say this closet. Don't think of the time it's going to take, anything that might stop you from completing the full goal of decluttering this closet. All you're going to do is set your timer for 10 minutes. In those 10 minutes, focus on decluttering the area, one small shelf or one small very manageable piece of it, one small section. When the timer goes off, you put the rest away, and you're all done. That's it. That's it.

Before I explain the benefits of this, I'll give you another example. You have a few amazing ideas for a business, and you haven't really started much because it would require a lot more than you think that you're capable of or what would need to happen to make it fabulous.

 

Is Your Goal SMART?

So what I'd like you to do is just pick one idea, one thing, one business, one business goal, just one thing. Before we move forward in this particular example, I want you to ask yourself, "Is this goal SMART?", which means, is it Specific? Can you Measure it, knowing that once you achieve this goal it is something you can quantify? 

I have opened a business which means, let's say, you have filled out the paperwork or the tax forms or started a website. There's a few things, and I don't want you to think of all those things, but is it measurable? It's something that once completed you can see clearly it has been accomplished. There's an end in sight. It's very specific.

It's also Attainable and Realistic, and it's Timely. Even if it is in three months, I would like to launch this business, or in six months, it must be timely.

You don't always mention the SMART approach, which is a coaching technique. But since we all share this perfectionist gene, it's probably really good to mention here.

So use that just to measure and make sure that it's SMART for you.

Using the same process we did with the closet, what is one small action you can take today to move towards achieving that goal? Just one. No more.

Have some courage and be willing to take that action. Is it one phone call you can make? Or maybe set the timer for 10 minutes and put pen to paper just to brainstorm. Get it all out of your head and onto paper.

What we are doing is taking very small steps. No more and no less. One step a day. 

 

Increase At Your Own Pace

As you continue on with this later on down the road, no sooner than a month, if you think that you're ready to do more towards this goal, then take two small steps a day. That's it.

The next phase, if you think that you are ready, happens no sooner than a month after that, you can add just one more small step. This is the most you do in any one day to overcome perfectionism. No more than three.

So moving forward after that, it's always three or less. You do at least one thing and no more than three. The actions will have the possibility of becoming much more effective. 

When you are only going to take one to three actions, the intention and the inspiration that gets infused into those actions after a period of time - it can create so much more of a result and a response from the universe and some feedback that you're gonna get.

Everything that you get in return will be more powerful because it's a lot more tuned in to the results. So it's that same phenomenon of putting something off until the very last minute and then accomplishing more in 10 minutes than you did in the whole month that you had to do it. That happens a lot. It is the exact same thing as that.

Let's just review so far. We wrote about how perfectionist affects our lives and the quality of our life. We created awareness of what it does to us and to our relationships. The next thing we did was instead of looking at a big picture of life or these big, huge goals that are far off in the future, we thought of one small, meaningful goal that would feel really good if we could just get into the flow with it. To start this flow, I asked you think of just one small step you could take today. Your instructions are to repeat that process each day doing no more and no less. The last and most important step in this process is writing. I want you to continue to put that pen to paper and write for five minutes or more about any feelings or discomfort or awareness that comes up for you. 

This is a process. It might seem simple because it's all very subtle, but you also may experience a lot of discomfort or fear or confusion, doubt, frustration. All of these things are possible. What's going to happen is you are going to be in a flow and in movement. It also requires a lot of patience which is something us perfectionists don't always embody. It's not really our strong suit. When we have perfectionism, patience is it's kind of the opposite of what happens when we are perfectionists. 

Besides writing to help you through this process, create a space in your heart and diaphragm and in your belly for your breath. It can help you through all discomfort. It will also help you grow. When you create that space and you have awareness for your breathing in and out and just where your breath is, it actually creates the space for growth.

I'm going to share one last technique to overcome perfectionism. Oftentimes we are distracted because we're in our heads thinking too much. The very best way to overcome this is to get really present with the person you are with. Tune into them. Listen to them. Pay attention to them. Be a kind and a loving presence to them. Put away your phone, take some breaths and just be with someone else. You're not there to do anything for them, just be present to them. Does that make sense? 

We can be so all or nothing, so black and white. Just consider as you move forward in your relationships being more present in your action for the day in your movement. Consider that anything that happens is informational. It gives you your next action. It tells you what direction you should turn your attention to. There's no right or wrong. It doesn't matter what really happens. It's all for your good. Even if you perceive it as a negative, it's all for your good and it helps to light your path. It's only the next step that we need to know, so feel the goodness in your life. If it's hard to see that, find things you are grateful for. When you do your writing, write those things down. Keep a record of what you're grateful for. 

This conversation about overcoming perfectionist tendencies can be a lot longer. There are more helpful steps you can take, but this is plenty for today. Keep your ears open for a follow-up episode next month. I do want to share more about this topic with you. And before I get to the bonus, let's remember everything we discussed today. Commit to being present throughout the day. If you're with someone, put your phone away. Take deeper breaths. Look at them. Become more aware of them. The worst side of perfectionism is that it distracts us and takes us out of the moment. The greatest gift you can give is your presence. When you look at your goals, give yourself that same presence. It's time to stop letting perfectionism steal moments from your life.

To help you create a powerful, positive state of being, bring your attention to the core of your being. There is a seed of love in you. Find that. Find the seed ... We all have it ... and just pay attention to it. Give it attention. It will grow. Its purpose is to remind you of how perfect you already are. As it's been told to me because I needed to hear it, we are human beings, not human doings. What we do does not define our self-worth. Being who we are is worthy enough. We are perfect. Your awareness and self-love will be catalyst for change in overcoming this issue.

If you have any pain that's more deep-seated or just in general the discomfort or you're looking to have some more self-love, I encourage you to use The Smile Within Technique. It's incredibly healing. You can find it in the last episode. Listen to that before you implement these steps. It will help you so much in this process. One thing I love about The BITMOR Method is that it's simply doing a little bit more and a little bit more. Just with the willingness to follow that process, you'll begin to see love and amazing transformation in your life.

I have a wonderful bonus for you that I am excited to share. There is no catch. I'm not trying to sell you anything. But as my way of being of service to you, I am offering my listeners a free 15-minute coaching call. The only thing I ask is that you answer just a few questions first so that we could use that short amount of time very wisely. It can be about perfectionism or a goal that you have, something you're struggling with. Just get clear about what you want to talk about beforehand so you can get the most out of it. I'll put the link up for a limited time at BeccaStarr.com/free15, F-R-E-E-1-5. 

I also would love for you to share what you got most out of this episode. If you think it could benefit someone, please send it to them, share it on Facebook, or post on the show notes. There should be a section for comments on the episode webpage.

Thank you so much for joining me. Have a beautiful day and keep shining your light. 

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