Does Perfectionism Hold You Back?Jan 23, 2018
Today we're talking about overcoming perfectionism. If you are a perfectionist or have some tendencies, this will be very useful to you. I'll provide some methods to finally stop letting perfectionism steal any more of your time.
Because I work with woman AND I personally have experience with this, I thought it would be really great to give you some tools today to help you finally overcome perfectionism.
Is perfectionism something you deal with in your life?
If it is - grab a pen and paper, post-it notes, your label maker - whatever helps you.
Trust me, I know about your label maker (or the envy you feel when you see someone else using one).
Let's get started.
Be Courageous As You Let Perfectionism Go
My experience with perfectionism was that it FELT GREAT - at times.
It helped me accomplish amazing things - at times.
I LOVED when things I did came close to perfection, I still do.
But that's not the whole story.
If you can relate and you're ready to finally let this "frenemy" go, you've come to the right place.
Knowledge is Power?
You could own all of the self-help books in the world but if you don't actually USE those methods in your life, knowledge won't help you at all.
Knowledge isn't enough on its own to create change, which is why I ask you to be courageous and willing.
Sometimes very small steps can feel big, so remember just be willing to take the next small step. That's all you ever have to do.
My promise for you today is to give you exactly what you need to overcome perfectionism.
What does perfectionism look like, and how does it affect us over time?
Perfectionism not only steals moments from our life, it steals quality moments from our life.
Perfectionism steals quality time from our lives.
It takes joy from us. We become rigid. It affects the people around us, all of our relationships. When we're wrapped up in trying to achieve perfection, we cut ourselves off from human connection.
We become distracted.
A need for perfectionism makes it nearly impossible to feel inner peace and true happiness.
Your Inner Peace Matters
Perfectionism is not an asset no matter how you think it might benefit you. As a recovered perfectionist, as I've shared already I have loved it at times. It can be awesome to see the results perfectionism has when it goes right.
But ultimately, it's a liability. It causes damage along the way, it's not pretty, and I'm not okay with that.
We are beautiful souls, and anything that hides that fact needs to be shed.
We need to overcome things like perfectionism because it takes away from how amazing we truly are. When you're a perfectionist, nothing is ever going to be good enough. It can become obsessive and leave you prone to compulsive behaviors.
You're not alone in this problem either. I recently did a poll on my Instagram and 80% of responders said they are Perfectionists!
Did you know one of the biggest problems associated with perfectionism is procrastination?
It literally has the power to steal your dreams and stop you from creating.
So how do we change that? To begin, let's create some awareness around what perfectionism is really doing to you and in your life.
Take Inventory of Your Perfectionism
One of the first steps in overcoming perfectionism is simply becoming aware that you have it. Look at the effects. Step back and look at the whole ripple effect it has on your life.
- Does it push people away?
- Do you avoid following your heart?
- Do you put off going for a dream goal because everything's not quite right?
- Do you have a fear of what could or might happen?
- Do you let fear of not being perfect stop you from being authentically you?
The "unfamiliar" is scary to many people already, but this is something I've noticed especially with perfectionists.
Are you depriving yourself of love or joy or time? Become aware of how it affects you in all areas. This process of creating awareness and writing everything down might take some time, it doesn't have to be done all at once.
You can sit down periodically and continue the process of thinking about it and writing. Put pen to paper though, don't just spend time in your head with it. Writing these thoughts down is the most helpful exercise to finally begin to let go of it.
Write Down One Small Goal
Once you've created some awareness, think of one small goal that would make you feel really good. Just one. Rather than thinking of all the things that could go wrong or might happen or fearing that it wouldn't be enough, write down just that one small, meaningful goal.
Don't think of ALL the steps or anything beyond writing that goal down. Keep it very simple. Don't think of anything else besides something that means something to you.
What is the very next step to do?
Think Of One Small Action Step
What is one very simple thing that you can do today that would positively contribute to achieving that goal? It should be a small action and it should be simple. Only one small action.
What we're doing is creating success with one meaningful goal by taking very small actions, keeping it very simple with one small action a day.
I'll give you an example.
Let's say if you have some area of your home, it's disorganized and needs to be decluttered. Even for perfectionists, this can be very common. It could be a closet or a wardrobe or a cupboard.
It doesn't feel good. And there's a difference between being perfect and having order in your home. Sometimes perfectionists avoid doing things altogether. It's an "all or nothing" type of problem. Perspective is affected in that way.
Instead of knowing what you're going to do with everything in the closet, set your timer for 10 minutes. In those 10 minutes, focus on decluttering one small shelf or one small (very manageable) part of this closet - one small section.
When the timer goes off, put the rest away, messy as is, and you're all done. That's it.
Before I explain the benefits of this, I'll give you another example.
You have a few amazing ideas for a business but you haven't really started because it would require a lot more than you think that you're capable of, or what would need to happen to make it fabulous.
Is Your Goal SMART?
Pick one idea, one thing, one business, one business goal, just one thing.
Before we move forward in this particular example, I want you to ask yourself, "Is this goal SMART?", which means, is it...
Can you Measure it, knowing that once you achieve this goal it is something you can quantify?
I have opened a business which means, let's say, you have filled out the paperwork or the tax forms or started a website. There's a few things, and I don't want you to think of all those things, but is it measurable?
It's something that once completed you can see clearly it has been accomplished. There's an end in sight. It's very specific.
To be SMART, your business goal must also be...
Attainable, Realistic, and Timely. If it's in three months, great.
"I would like to launch this business in 3 months." That goal is specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, and timely.
Using the same process we did with the closet...
What is one small action you can take today to move towards achieving that goal? Just one. No more.
Have some courage and be willing to take that action.
Is it one phone call you can make? Pick up the phone.
Or maybe set the timer for 10 minutes and put pen to paper just to brainstorm? Get it all out of your head and onto paper.
You are taking very small steps. No more and no less. One step a day.
Increase At Your Own Pace
When you think you're ready to do more towards this goal, no sooner than ONE MONTH to avoid "over-achiever to burnout" syndrome, then take TWO small steps a day. That's it.
No sooner than a month after that, add just one more small step. This is the most you do in any one day to overcome perfectionism. No more than three small actions.
Moving forward after that, it's always three or less.
You do at least one thing and no more than three.
The actions have the possibility of becoming much more effective.
When you're only taking one to three small actions, the intention and the inspiration can create so much more of a result as well as a response from the universe. So have faith! You're not working alone, the Universe truly does have your back.
This is a process. It might seem simple because it's all very subtle, but you also may experience a lot of discomfort or fear or confusion, doubt, frustration. All of these things can happen. You are going to be in a flow and in movement.
Besides writing to help you through this process, create a space in your heart and diaphragm and in your belly for your breath. It can help you through all discomfort. It will also help you grow. When you create that space and you have awareness for your breathing in and out, it actually creates the space for personal growth.
I'm going to share one last technique to overcome perfectionism. Oftentimes we're distracted because we're thinking too much. The very best way to overcome this is to get really present with the person you are with. Tune into them. Listen to them. Pay attention to them. Be a kind and a loving presence to them. Put away your phone, take some breaths and just be with someone else.
You're not there to do anything for them, just be present to them.
We can be so consider as you move forward in your relationships being more present. There's no right or wrong. It doesn't matter what really happens. It's all for your good.
Even if you perceive it as a negative, it's all for your good and it helps to light your path.
It's only the next step that we need to know, so feel the goodness in your life.
If it's hard to see that, find things you are grateful for. When you do your writing, write those things down. Keep a record of what you're grateful for.
The worst side of perfectionism is that it distracts us and takes us out of the moment. The greatest gift you can give is your presence. When you look at your goals, give yourself that same presence. It's time to stop letting perfectionism steal moments from your life.
To help you create a powerful, positive state of being, bring your attention to the core of your being. There is a seed of love in you. Find that. Find the seed ... We all have it ... and just pay attention to it. Give it attention. It will grow. Its purpose is to remind you of how perfect you already are.
As it's been told to me because I needed to hear it, we are human beings, not human doings.
What we DO does not define our self-worth.
ACTION: Go to THIS POST and TYPE: "I AM _____________!" (Fill in your own empowered word: perfect, valuable, enough...)
Being who we are is worthy enough. We are perfect. Your awareness and self-love will be catalyst for change in overcoming this issue.
One thing I love about The BITMOR Method is that it's simply doing a little bit more and a little bit more. Just with the willingness to follow that process, you'll begin to see love and amazing transformation in your life.
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